Tuesday, April 28, 2009

Game Plan

Now that I'm out of work, I've got to hit the ground running. The very next day I made a list of things to do and got some of those things done.

I've got a nice little savings cushion to hold me over for a little while; at least until I get unemployment set up. That said, I'm going to have to generate a little extra income for myself.

First I called Joe, and asked if our band could get a gig this weekend. He said that we could do a show at a venue that we've played many times before. That could mean a modest little cash prize.

Next, I posted a roommate wanted poster at the cafe' up the street. There's a lot of decent businesses around there so I'm hoping I get some worthy candidates.

I made the obligatory call to Mother, who kept asking why I was fired. I told her I was laid off.

Finally, I wrote my brother and let him know what happened and to send any further correspondence to the apartment.

I'll be suggesting that Bill, Shlomo, and I have a tweetup and all meet at the unemployment office together. It should be fun:- or not.

Thursday, April 23, 2009

We're Out

So we cleared out our belongings. Most people didn't linger. It all happened very quickly. I talked with Bill about what his plan was and he had no idea. We decided that we'd be in touch via twitter and e-mail and every other mode of communication.

There was an eerie silence among us all on the way out and then I saw the news trucks parked all along the boulevard outside the main entrance. A nice looking reporter approached me and asked if I felt responsible for the recession. What an idiot. As if every person getting dismissed at this bank somehow had a hand in destroying the countries economy. The camera man stuck his lens right in my face.

Bill came to the rescue. Always quick on his feet, he grabbed a can of silly string that he used to keep in his desk to shoot at me over the cubicle wall, and blacked out the camera lens. Haaa ha! The camera man was pissed but we got lost in the crowd and went our separate ways.

Wednesday, April 22, 2009

The Privileged Mooncalf

The CFO began his speech as soon as we arrived.

"Ladies and gentlemen thank you for coming. As most of you already know, our company has been absorbed by a New York bank. We have recently been informed that they will be closing all offices here, and transferring all administrative and executive powers to their branch in New York. There are just a few hand picked people that have been offered the opportunity to transfer to the New York branch and stay with the company. The rest of us are being let go.

Please remain calm, and I ask you, please, resist the urge to behave in an unprofessional manner. There has already been an assault on one of our executives. Many executives, myself included, are not going to be with the company any longer. So please understand that we are going through the same thing that everyone else is. We must all bond together, keeping our heads held high, and do what we must with dignity."

He went on like that for a little while and then his little speech took a defensive turn.

"I must impress on you all that I myself, and many of the other executives had no knowledge that such mistakes were being made. These credit default swaps and risky investment strategies were simply a small part of a large machine that was our banking institution. We were unaware of the Malfeasance that was behind the losses that our bank endured. I would like you all to know that we did not intend for any of this to happen. It pains me to be the one to have to tell all of you that our institution has met its end after a century of service to the American people and the world."

Bullshit, bullshit, bullshit... The truth about these jerks is plain. They knew what was going on the whole time and none of them could stop because the money was pouring in like gangbusters. This poor mooncalf will have to crawl back to his horribly giant uptown apartment, and will be forced to spend more time on his yacht. He'll probably be forced to spend more time with his family as well. Boo hoo... Yeah, right, He knows exactly what I'm about to be going through.

At the end of his speech, we were all told to gather our things. We had the rest of the afternoon to clean out our office spaces of personal effects.

What will I do now...

Monday, April 20, 2009

The Last Mile

Now it's time for the dreaded company assembly where some guy is going to tell us that we're all canned. Oh bother.

Sunday, April 12, 2009


Ah yes, triumph. We were unable to view the actual physical consummation of our effort. We had to wait for security to leak the video to youtube. This was certainly one of the finest moments of my life to date, for where vice is, vengeance follows.

Friday, April 10, 2009

Cloak & Dagger

The best things in life are fun and today Bill and I had a bit of the best. Office pranks are often played on one's friends and I feel that Mr. Wells and I are now very close.

Hacking into the company's closed security system was a cinch, and enabled us to follow Mr. Wells through his morning routine. We were waiting for him to visit the lavatory. Lo and behold, the time came. We raced upstairs and carried out what I think may be our best prank yet.

Thursday, April 9, 2009

Two on a Train

After discussing our various misadventures, Bill had an idea. He asked me if I had any of the cherry bombs leftover from the Gimp prank and I did. Bill definitely missed his calling. He should have been a supervillain.

The ride to work is a lot different when you have company.

Wednesday, April 8, 2009

Bushfills Reminiscence

Bill interrupted my recital late last night. First he called then he came over & we discussed the good old days at the company. Life has been good to us up to now. We talked about the Xenox affair, the Bee incident, the gimp removal, the flogging account, hacking the employee of the month affair, and many many other incidences of tomfoolery. All this over a nice crisp bottle of fine Irish whiskey, Bushfills. Hopefully things will not be too hard. The next morning was a little bit rough. I let Bill borrow one of my work outfits and we went in together.

Tuesday, April 7, 2009


What a day. There's nothing better than showering and just relaxing with some music after a stressful day. It really makes things better. Tomorrow: who cares about tomorrow.

Sunday, April 5, 2009

Serious Conflict

After that intense confrontation, I had to blow off a little steam. Bill and I have a bit of fun now and then playing our old school Ninsplendid Game Boys. We have a little competition going, playing Tetris. We link up and have tournaments. the block busting can get pretty fierce. Currently, the heavy weight belt is in my possession. That's right I reign supreme!

Friday, April 3, 2009

A Descision

Later that morning Ed called me into his office and told me that I had to go on a special call. He said that I was to go and speak to Kenneth Wells, Vice President, Global Banking. Ed went on to tell me that he had spoken with him and that I was being considered for a new temporary position. I was very surprised and exceedingly nervous.

This was the first time I had ever met Mr. Wells. He was assertive, intimidating, and direct.

"It's good to finally meet you Smedley. I have it on good authority that you are quite the expert in Information Technology. I've got a proposition for you, lad."

He started our conversation by informing me that everything that we were to talk about was in confidence and off the record. He then told me that I could receive a very large bonus if I were to eliminate the computer records of a number of certain nefarious investment activities that had been practiced in the past three years. He said that it would be no small job and that I could use no more than two other trusted assistants on a team to do so. They would also be compensated through lesser bonuses.

For an instant my mind drifted off and I imagined myself spending thousands of dollars everyday. there were yachts, top of the line classified, high speed processors, the latest games and game systems from Tokyo, a Lakeside high rise condominium for my mother et cetera, et cetera. I then thought about Lisa, Shlomo, Margaret, and everyone else that was getting sacked and how their lives were going to change. Sure, some would go on to get better jobs later, but most will suffer; at least on the short term, if not for a long time to come.

At that thought I breathed in deeply. I mustered as much courage as I think I have in my whole being and gave him my response.

Thursday, April 2, 2009

Ed's Announcement

Ed was packing up his office this morning. I asked if he was getting pink slipped and he said he wasn't. He then told me to go and get Bill.

Bill and I came to the office expecting to receive the pink slips ourselves, (get laid off) but to our surprise, he had a different story for us.

"Listen up boys. They have stopped giving out pink slips. I attended an emergency meeting this morning, and well, the whole company is closing. We are insolvent and our assets are being absorbed and transferred to another company that has received federal funds. That company is located in New York. As you know, that is not where we reside. The entire staff of the company is being sacked and the company, as we know it, no longer exists.

Let me tell you, we are up shit's creek gentlemen. No one else knows. We're not supposed to let staff know until tomorrow.

They must be stupid to think that I'm going to keep it from you guys. Anyway, keep it under wraps for now guys and get a move on cleaning out your valuables. This is the end of the road for us. I expect you guys to behave as if nothing has happened until they announce the closure to the rest of the staff. That means come to work and do your jobs. Don't worry, your still getting paid until the formal announcement by the executives. I expect that to come tomorrow morning."

I have a headache.

Wednesday, April 1, 2009

Daily Grind

After lunch Bill left a bit early. I had one call and worked on a hardware upgrade for one of the suits.

After I finished, I went home, had some leftovers, and went to bed early. I got up fresh, and went back to work. it would have seemed like a normal hum-drum day if it weren't for the fact that my place of employment was crumbling. things aren't as boring as they used to be. Maybe they were better that way.